Treating Yourself

Last night I celebrated six weeks of sobriety by necking five pints of lager and half a bottle of cheap red wine.

I don’t remember much of what happened after that.  However I do recall vomiting into my own shoes (quite a trick as I was wearing them at the time) and treating myself to some gifts from the internet.

I started out by ordering everything off the Amazon recommendations page. Suddenly that seemingly random list of junk seemed to provide the answer to all my consumerist desires.

I’m looking forward to receiving my humane rodent killing device and three litres of ‘magic denture glue’ that even works in space.  I just hope my house gets infested by vermin and my teeth fall out before they arrive.

My drunken spending spree continued with a trawl through the spam filter and several orders with pharmaceutical companies promising to improve my love life. Suffice it to say that Mrs Ashmash will be delighted when I power up my lovegun and make love like a pro with the aid of 450 inexpensive Viagra tablets. Should I take them all at once? 

links: digg this    del.icio.us    technorati    reddit