Medical Experimentation (Up The O's)
Recently I volunteered for some medical testing. I thought I’d get to road test Viagra or a new sort of Aspirin that makes you taller.
The doctors treated me really well at first. That evening they made a really nice dinner and got me tipsy on wine. On the second day they took me to a ‘999’ party and I got off with a pretty nurse. Then on the third day they knocked me out with a general and grafted a foot to the top of my head.
When I woke up hundreds of medical students were staring at me through big windows. Some of them were laughing. I felt so humiliated. Then they tested how the foot had taken by making me do football practice for hours and hours and hours on end. After six weeks of intensive training I was brilliant; my new foot didn’t miss a shot.
When my training was complete they introduced me to the Big Boss. It was none other than Martin Ling, the Leyton Orient Manager. He revealed the whole plan and signed me on the spot. Hopefully now we might actually win a f***ing game. Come on you O’s.
I'm sure you must now have dazzling ball skills but can you head a ball?