<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><feed xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xml:lang="en"><title>Latest entries from ashmash.blog-city.com</title><rights>Copyright 2009 ashmash.blog-city.com</rights><subtitle></subtitle><author><name></name></author><updated>2009-09-10T23:08:00Z</updated><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/"/><link rel="self" type="application/atom+xml" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/index.rss"/><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009:1</id><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-09-10:links.412182126</id><title>I Am Alive</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/i_am_alive.htm"><![CDATA[Angiogram. Cool machine. Two pretty nurses.&nbsp;Wires in arm. Heart on screen. &nbsp;&quot;Much to ponder.&quot;Bypass leaflet. Drugs.&nbsp;Waiting.]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/i_am_alive.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-09-10T23:08:00Z</updated><published>2009-09-10T23:08:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-08-05:links.412178686</id><title>More Nonsense</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/more_nonsense.htm"><![CDATA[They say women go for men in uniform. I have comprehensively disproved this theory having spent the last week dressed as a traffic warden...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/more_nonsense.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-08-05T22:41:00Z</updated><published>2009-08-05T22:41:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-08-02:links.412178364</id><title>I Am A Commuter</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/i_am_a_commuter.htm"><![CDATA[Last week one over-enthusiastic passenger accidently set herself alight and, in her panic, stumbled into the path of the fast train to Dover...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/i_am_a_commuter.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-08-02T07:21:00Z</updated><published>2009-08-02T07:21:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-07-29:links.412178095</id><title>Which Type of Human Are You?</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/which_type_of_human_are_you.htm"><![CDATA[Broadly speaking, humans fall into two categories...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/which_type_of_human_are_you.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-07-29T22:24:00Z</updated><published>2009-07-29T22:24:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-07-23:links.412177611</id><title>What Animals Think</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/what_animals_think.htm"><![CDATA[Have you ever wondered what your pet dog, pony or hamster is actually thinking?  Well now you can thanks to my latest amazing invention, The Animal Thought Probe...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/what_animals_think.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-07-23T20:42:00Z</updated><published>2009-07-23T20:42:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-07-08:links.412176408</id><title>Leaving Home</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/leaving_home.htm"><![CDATA[On the day I left home mother embraced me so hard that three of my ribs snapped and I had to stay for a further four months to recover...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/leaving_home.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-07-08T22:17:00Z</updated><published>2009-07-08T22:17:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-05-13:links.412169860</id><title>World record attempt #4: Trampolining</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/world_record_attempt_4_trampolining.htm"><![CDATA[Tomorrow I hope to bounce my way into the record books by trampolining higher than anyone in history.  My target height is 200 feet.]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/world_record_attempt_4_trampolining.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-05-13T11:28:00Z</updated><published>2009-05-13T11:28:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-04-07:links.412162558</id><title>Management Theory</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/management_theory.htm"><![CDATA[Directors are the least competent people in any organisation, who through a series of promotions given to them ‘just to stop them from ruining everything’, find themselves being in charge of things that they don’t understand...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/management_theory.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-04-07T11:42:00Z</updated><published>2009-04-07T11:42:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-03-26:links.412160322</id><title>Best Friends</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/best_friends.htm"><![CDATA[Ideally a soul mate should be selected from within one’s own species.  However, if I was compelled to select a companion from the animal kingdom I would chose one that was kindly, undemanding, emotionally stable and short-lived...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/best_friends.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-03-26T23:27:00Z</updated><published>2009-03-26T23:27:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-03-13:links.412158355</id><title>Another Great British Film</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/another_great_british_film.htm"><![CDATA[As I have no budget, crew or cameras, I’ve been relying on Britain’s sinister network of surveillance cameras to do all the filming...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/another_great_british_film.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-03-13T13:58:00Z</updated><published>2009-03-13T13:58:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-03-09:links.412157612</id><title>How To Be Happy</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/how_to_be_happy.htm"><![CDATA[Is your glass is always half empty?  Maybe you should get a smaller glass...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/how_to_be_happy.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-03-09T10:47:00Z</updated><published>2009-03-09T10:47:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-01-26:links.412150186</id><title>Whose Head Is In Your Freezer?</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/whose_head_is_in_your_freezer.htm"><![CDATA[Each week a different celebrity guest wheels a portable freezer onto the stage and answers questions from a panel who try to establish Whose Head Is In Your Freezer?]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/whose_head_is_in_your_freezer.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-01-26T10:58:00Z</updated><published>2009-01-26T10:58:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-01-22:links.412149558</id><title>Midnight Snack</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/midnight_snack.htm"><![CDATA[A hammer or shotgun would have been ideal, but I have neither, and so I tip-toed downstairs armed with a tightly rolled up copy of the Guardian Newspaper.]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/midnight_snack.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-01-22T11:02:00Z</updated><published>2009-01-22T11:02:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2009-01-20:links.412149202</id><title>Recession</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/recession.htm"><![CDATA[I am now resolved myself to finding a new job but I’ve yet to find one with agreeable terms. They all seem to require you to turn up somewhere and do something. That’s not for me.]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/recession.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2009-01-20T12:29:00Z</updated><published>2009-01-20T12:29:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-12-05:links.412142209</id><title>Treating Yourself</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/treating_yourself.htm"><![CDATA[Last night I celebrated six weeks of sobriety by necking five pints of lager and half a bottle of cheap red wine....]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/treating_yourself.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-12-05T13:49:00Z</updated><published>2008-12-05T13:49:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-10-27:links.412135769</id><title>Defy Gravity with Geoffrey</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/defy_gravity_with_geoffrey.htm"><![CDATA[In yet another triumph of shed based engineering, I have constructed a working anti gravitation device...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/defy_gravity_with_geoffrey.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-10-27T16:08:00Z</updated><published>2008-10-27T16:08:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-10-24:links.412135358</id><title>Medical Experimentation (Up The O&apos;s)</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/medical_experimentation_up_the_os.htm"><![CDATA[Recently I volunteered for some medical testing.  I thought I’d get to road test Viagra or a new sort of Aspirin that makes you taller...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/medical_experimentation_up_the_os.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-10-24T14:04:00Z</updated><published>2008-10-24T14:04:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-10-23:links.412135138</id><title>Celebrity Chefs</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/celebrity_chefs.htm"><![CDATA[Forget stage school and years in rep, if you want to fast-track a TV career buy a bag of spuds and call yourself a celebrity chef...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/celebrity_chefs.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-10-23T09:16:00Z</updated><published>2008-10-23T09:16:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-10-21:links.412134733</id><title>Animal Magic</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/animal_magic.htm"><![CDATA[Children love animals so as a special treat I took my niece and nephew for a day out at the abattoir...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/animal_magic.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-10-21T12:56:00Z</updated><published>2008-10-21T12:56:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-10-02:links.412131401</id><title>(Another) Brilliant New Business Idea</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/another_brilliant_new_business_idea.htm"><![CDATA[I’m quitting the cut-throat world of gentleman’s hairdressing and thrusting out with my new venture: Handsome Brendan and His Amazing Dancing Dog.]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/another_brilliant_new_business_idea.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-10-02T14:55:00Z</updated><published>2008-10-02T14:55:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-09-01:links.412126000</id><title>Hunter Gatherer</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/hunter_gatherer.htm"><![CDATA[What am I doing sitting at a desk all day wearing a suit and being polite to people?  Genetically I’m a predator and I have a strong urge to burn down parts of Essex.]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/hunter_gatherer.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-09-01T13:19:00Z</updated><published>2008-09-01T13:19:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-08-21:links.412123788</id><title>Weddings And Noses</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/weddings_and_noses.htm"><![CDATA[It’s only natural to be nervous on your big day.  But Richard had more to fear than most. Would Anna still marry him when he revealed he’d been wearing a false nose throughout their courtship?]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/weddings_and_noses.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-08-21T13:47:00Z</updated><published>2008-08-21T13:47:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-08-08:links.412120539</id><title>Star Signs</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/star_signs.htm"><![CDATA[I am a typical Sagittarian: idealistic and adventurous but fickle and unreliable - a bit like Robin Hood, but without the green tights...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/star_signs.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-08-08T12:02:00Z</updated><published>2008-08-08T12:02:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-08-07:links.412120365</id><title>Eternal Youth</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/eternal_youth.htm"><![CDATA[I do like to look after myself.  For a start, I only eat foods with lots of preservatives in them.  If they can keep spam fresh in the tin, imagine what they will do for your insides...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/eternal_youth.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-08-07T12:59:00Z</updated><published>2008-08-07T12:59:00Z</published></entry><entry><id>tag:ashmash.blog-city.com,2008-07-23:links.412117426</id><title>World Record Attempt #2</title><content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/world_record_attempt_2.htm"><![CDATA[Hold on to your hats.  Tomorrow is going to be the windiest day ever recorded.  This not because of freak global weather events, but because I will be attempting to break the world record for the biggest desk fan ever made...]]></content><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://ashmash.blog-city.com/world_record_attempt_2.htm"/><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><author><name>Simon Ashmore</name></author><updated>2008-07-23T12:22:00Z</updated><published>2008-07-23T12:22:00Z</published></entry></feed>