<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" version="2.0"><channel><title>Latest entries from ashmash.blog-city.com</title><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/</link><description></description><copyright>Copyright 2008 ashmash.blog-city.com</copyright><generator></generator><lastBuildDate>Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:47:00 GMT</lastBuildDate><image><title>Latest entries from ashmash.blog-city.com</title><url>http://server1.blog-city.com/images/bc_v5_logo_small.gif</url><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/</link></image><ttl>360</ttl><docs>http://backend.userland.com/rss</docs><item><title>Weddings And Noses</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/weddings_and_noses.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/weddings_and_noses.htm</link><pubDate>Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:47:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=weddings%5Fand%5Fnoses</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[It’s only natural to be nervous on your big day.  But Richard had more to fear than most. Would Anna still marry him when he revealed he’d been wearing a false nose throughout their courtship?]]></description></item><item><title>Star Signs</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/star_signs.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/star_signs.htm</link><pubDate>Fri, 08 Aug 2008 12:02:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=star%5Fsigns</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[I am a typical Sagittarian: idealistic and adventurous but fickle and unreliable - a bit like Robin Hood, but without the green tights...]]></description></item><item><title>Eternal Youth</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/eternal_youth.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/eternal_youth.htm</link><pubDate>Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:59:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=eternal%5Fyouth</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[I do like to look after myself.  For a start, I only eat foods with lots of preservatives in them.  If they can keep spam fresh in the tin, imagine what they will do for your insides...]]></description></item><item><title>World Record Attempt #2</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/world_record_attempt_2.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/world_record_attempt_2.htm</link><pubDate>Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:22:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=world%5Frecord%5Fattempt%5F2</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[Hold on to your hats.  Tomorrow is going to be the windiest day ever recorded.  This not because of freak global weather events, but because I will be attempting to break the world record for the biggest desk fan ever made...]]></description></item><item><title>Ancient Stone Circles, Druids and Cricket</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/ancient_stone_circles_druids_and_cricket.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/ancient_stone_circles_druids_and_cricket.htm</link><pubDate>Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:56:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=ancient%5Fstone%5Fcircles%5Fdruids%5Fand%5Fcricket</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[The stones attract many Druids who are drawn to their supposed mystical power.  But the power doesn’t seem to protect them from being struck by cricket balls...]]></description></item><item><title>Materialism</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/materialism.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/materialism.htm</link><pubDate>Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:40:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=materialism</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[Hopefully in future they will make eight 24 hour episodes of EastEnders every week and repeat them on a new channel that only people with Toshibas can receive.]]></description></item><item><title>The Best Curry</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/the_best_curry.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/the_best_curry.htm</link><pubDate>Fri, 11 Jul 2008 12:28:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=the%5Fbest%5Fcurry</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[Business has been booming for our local curry house since they employed a hypnotist to do the deliveries.]]></description></item><item><title>Half Year Feast</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/half_year_feast.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/half_year_feast.htm</link><pubDate>Wed, 02 Jul 2008 06:04:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=half%5Fyear%5Ffeast</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[With its half portion theme the feast is ideal for dieters.  Yet inevitably the supersize culture has found ways to satisfy the gluttonous whilst staying within the rules...]]></description></item><item><title>Self Help The Army Way</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/self_help_the_army_way.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/self_help_the_army_way.htm</link><pubDate>Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:39:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=self%5Fhelp%5Fthe%5Farmy%5Fway</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[If you’re an emotional wreck (most people are) you need my new self-help book.  Pull Yourself Together is based on a 1947 National Service Drill Sergeants’ Manual...]]></description></item><item><title>Dreams and Nightmares</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/dreams_and_nightmares.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/dreams_and_nightmares.htm</link><pubDate>Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:08:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=dreams%5Fand%5Fnightmares</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[Martin Luther King and I both had dreams.  His was a vision of harmonious racial coexistence; mine was a nightmare about being eaten by giant, talking maggots...]]></description></item><item><title>Hide and Seek</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/hide_and_seek.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/hide_and_seek.htm</link><pubDate>Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:56:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=hide%5Fand%5Fseek</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[Great Uncle Percy was Hide and Seek World Champion.  He hid in September 1939 and no-one saw him again until autumn 1945 when he turned up with an impressive tan and demanded a prize...]]></description></item><item><title>Stop People Bothering You At Work</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/stop_people_bothering_you_at_work.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/stop_people_bothering_you_at_work.htm</link><pubDate>Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:55:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=stop%5Fpeople%5Fbothering%5Fyou%5Fat%5Fwork</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[I have replaced the door to my office with a large cat flap.]]></description></item><item><title>TV Ratings</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/tv_ratings.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/tv_ratings.htm</link><pubDate>Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:54:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=tv%5Fratings</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[The survivors will be the first contestants in my new game show Brain Vs Brawn...]]></description></item><item><title>I Fed The Vicar A Bit Of My Finger</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/i_fed_the_vicar_a_bit_of_my_finger.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/i_fed_the_vicar_a_bit_of_my_finger.htm</link><pubDate>Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:29:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=i%5Ffed%5Fthe%5Fvicar%5Fa%5Fbit%5Fof%5Fmy%5Ffinger</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[The vicar and his wife are earnest vegetarians and have never indicated any lust for human flesh...]]></description></item><item><title>Taxidermy</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/taxidermy.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/taxidermy.htm</link><pubDate>Tue, 04 Mar 2008 13:26:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=taxidermy</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[Who says publishing is dead?  David’s magazine for amateur taxidermists is a roaring success.  ‘Get Stuffed’ is packed full of fascinating taxidermy stories and practical tips from celebrities of the embalming world...]]></description></item><item><title>It&apos;s A Pirate&apos;s Life For Me</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/its_a_pirates_life_for_me.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/its_a_pirates_life_for_me.htm</link><pubDate>Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:57:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=its%5Fa%5Fpirates%5Flife%5Ffor%5Fme</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[I’ve opened a Pirate Shop.  The Lanky Lubber is on a rickety old ship moored on the Thames.  It stocks everything a wannabe pirate could desire, from live parrots with eye patches to ridiculous false beards (that come with a free tube of superglue).]]></description></item><item><title>Motivated Staff</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/motivated_staff.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/motivated_staff.htm</link><pubDate>Tue, 26 Feb 2008 15:35:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=motivated%5Fstaff</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[All offices have a guillotine.  Ours is a genuine 19th century killing device and it isn’t used for trimming paper...]]></description></item><item><title>Undertakers And Anniversaries</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/undertakers_and_anniversaries.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/undertakers_and_anniversaries.htm</link><pubDate>Mon, 18 Feb 2008 23:28:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=undertakers%5Fand%5Fanniversaries</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[To mark their tenth wedding anniversary Uncle Arthur presented Sally with a coffin and a shovel.  What the gift lacked in romance it made up for in practicality…]]></description></item><item><title>Meteorite</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/meteorite.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/meteorite.htm</link><pubDate>Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:21:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=meteorite</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[Auntie’s one hundredth birthday celebratory dinner took an unexpected turn when, during the starter, she was struck and killed by a small Meteorite.]]></description></item><item><title>Golden Age</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/golden_age.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/golden_age.htm</link><pubDate>Wed, 06 Feb 2008 23:50:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=golden%5Fage</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[Whenever I’m introduced to new people I claim to be 25 years older than I really am.  They say, “you look amazing for your age”, and I inform them that the secret to my youthful looks is a sunny disposition.]]></description></item><item><title>Rats</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/rats.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/rats.htm</link><pubDate>Mon, 21 Jan 2008 17:38:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=rats</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[If I’m reincarnated as a rat I’m going park myself in the bins and gorge on discarded quarter-pounders until I’ve swollen to the size of a large, unfit boy.]]></description></item><item><title>Monkey Business</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/monkey_business.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/monkey_business.htm</link><pubDate>Fri, 11 Jan 2008 14:20:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=monkey%5Fbusiness</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[According to the old adage, if you equip enough monkeys with typewriters eventually they’ll reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.]]></description></item><item><title>Excuses Excuses</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/excuses_excuses.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/excuses_excuses.htm</link><pubDate>Mon, 07 Jan 2008 14:01:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=excuses%5Fexcuses</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[We all find ourselves obliged to do things we would rather avoid, like paying income tax or becoming involved in voluntary work.  It helps to rehearse some good excuses so when duty calls, you have the perfect justification for not stepping up to the]]></description></item><item><title>My Pet Hedgehog Tried To Murder Me</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/my_pet_hedgehog_tried_to_murder_me.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/my_pet_hedgehog_tried_to_murder_me.htm</link><pubDate>Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:43:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=my%5Fpet%5Fhedgehog%5Ftried%5Fto%5Fmurder%5Fme</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[I’ve spent the last three weeks in hospital after our pet hedgehog, seeking warmth, crept into my bed and nearly stabbed me to death.]]></description></item><item><title>How To Build A Conservatory For Free</title><guid isPermaLink="true">http://ashmash.blog-city.com/how_to_build_a_conservatory_for_free.htm</guid><link>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/how_to_build_a_conservatory_for_free.htm</link><pubDate>Mon, 19 Nov 2007 23:11:00 GMT</pubDate><comments>http://ashmash.blog-city.com/console/comments/popup/?f=how%5Fto%5Fbuild%5Fa%5Fconservatory%5Ffor%5Ffree</comments><dc:creator>Simon Ashmore</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[I have always admired next door’s conservatory.  I want one just like it, but they’re expensive and I am broke.  So I have decided to take theirs.]]></description></item></channel></rss>