Ashmash
I Wrote This Nonsense
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The Rubbish That People Seem To Like The Most
You Can Look At Old Entries. How Exciting Is That?
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Some Other Wasters
November 2006
Origin Of Species (And Why Orang-utans Can Bugger Off)
Thursday, 30 November 2006 4:27 P GMT
This is why I swapped places with an orang-utan called Elvis for six months last year. I went to live in the jungle and he came to work in the marketing team in Canterbury.
It's My Birthday
Thursday, 23 November 2006 4:59 P GMT
Naturally I’m hoping to receive lots of presents. I really want a dot-to-dot picture of Dustin Hoffman riding a camel and a cake made entirely of cheese. But I’d be happy with a fridge magnet the size and shape of a fridge.
What Tattoo Shall I Get?
Thursday, 16 November 2006 1:04 A GMT
My mother has a tattoo of a Viking longship on her arm. She claims that it was done as part of the Girl Guides’ initiation ceremony, but I’ve long suspected she’s a Norwegian submarine Captain.
My New Hobby - Nun Fishing
Monday, 13 November 2006 9:26 P GMT
They’re easy to catch (I sit in a tree and scoop them up in a large butterfly net) and surprisingly abundant (living in a Cathedral city probably helps)...
Noel Edmunds Makes Fireworks Night Special
Tuesday, 7 November 2006 1:13 P GMT
I couldn’t spot the Queen anywhere. But I did see a child sitting on a wheelie bin dressed as a monk, which is the next best thing.
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A New Approach To Metal Detecting
Wednesday, 1 November 2006 1:34 P GMT
After nearly twenty minutes’ self-consciously sweeping the outfield all I’d found was some metal teeth, 350 early Roman coins and a World War II Spitfire.