Ashmash
I Wrote This Nonsense
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The Rubbish That People Seem To Like The Most
You Can Look At Old Entries. How Exciting Is That?
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Some Other Wasters
October 2006
Britain’s Answer To The Six Million Dollar Man
Tuesday, 24 October 2006 10:56 P GMT
I’m not exactly sure what new functions my arm has, as it is heavily bandaged. But I’ve had a good prod and located some lumps that I think are buttons. I’m hoping these will control a laser gun, a magnetic force field and a drinks dispenser.
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Agincourt Revisited
Wednesday, 18 October 2006 12:42 P GMT
We head off from Dover in a tractor, inconspicuously dressed as a team of biologists bound for a fictitious international convention about endangered caterpillars...
People Do Funny Things In Their Sleep
Friday, 13 October 2006 12:35 P GMT
Mad uncle Patrick snored so loudly that the airport made a complaint, and local birds evolved without any ears. Eventually in an act of desperation his wife stuffed their pet budgerigar in his open gob...
Panic At The Local Swimming Baths
Wednesday, 11 October 2006 12:17 P GMT
All manner of weird and wonderful aquatic wildlife spilled into the deep end, including a shoal of angelfish who provided a brief colourful display, and then died of chlorine poisoning...
The World’s First U-Boat Shop
Monday, 9 October 2006 4:07 P GMT
. It sells everything the budding submariner could possibly wish for, from a captain’s hat through to a full-scale replica WW2 U-boat complete with a crew of thirty bearded Norwegians...
I’ve Ordered Three Russian Brides!
Wednesday, 4 October 2006 12:58 P GMT
On an impulse I’ve ordered myself three mail-order Russian brides all called Svetlana. It’s so easy to get carried away. All I had to do was post a picture of me (I used one taken in 1988, when I had more hair and both arms) and enter my credit car