Ashmash
I Wrote This Nonsense
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The Rubbish That People Seem To Like The Most
You Can Look At Old Entries. How Exciting Is That?
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Some Other Wasters
January 2007
Most Haunted
Tuesday, 30 January 2007 1:43 P GMT
I once had a hot water tank with a genie in it. I wasted my first wish on a jar of pickled onions the size of Shropshire (I'm nearly drowned in the vinegar), and my second wish on a brick hat that could float.
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My Pet Leopard Has Escaped
Monday, 22 January 2007 1:28 P GMT
We still laugh about the time he chased Grandmother round the garden (but we don't laugh about what happened when he caught her)...
Nan's Been In The Freezer For Forty Years
Friday, 19 January 2007 12:28 P GMT
My grandmother shared my vision of eternal life right up until the point that she died of old age.
My World Record Has Been Broken
Tuesday, 16 January 2007 1:54 P GMT
An upstart has smashed my world record for shoving peeled prawns up your nostrils...
Another Drink Anyone?
Friday, 12 January 2007 1:22 P GMT
They say that drinking red wine is good for you. I've drunk fifteen bottles this week and feel terrible. Maybe there are long-term benefits, but who wants to live to 110 not being able to speak or stand up?
Amazing Discovery Leads To Musical Comeback For Guy Fawkes
Thursday, 11 January 2007 5:33 P GMT
I have discovered the oldest recording ever made. It features the final screams of Guy Fawkes being ripped apart on the rack...
My New Theme Park
Tuesday, 9 January 2007 1:38 P GMT
If you're a thrill seeker you'll definitely want to visit my new theme park. Harold Wilson World is an extravaganza of nail-biting rides all based on the enigmatic Labour leader.
Are Robots Above The Law?
Wednesday, 3 January 2007 1:27 P GMT
If I get off I plan to head over to Dixons and go on a shoplifting rampage with legal impunity.
Strange Things Happen At Sea (I May Have Killed Grandmother)
Tuesday, 2 January 2007 5:24 P GMT
Sadly, we haven't found either Nan's body or her will yet, but I did find some interestingly shaped pebbles on the beach and £3 11s 2d in her cupboard, which I plan to spend in the antiques shop.